Damn, we need a love shack! I hurts that he found me undesirable. We tried talking about it a little, afterwards. now that hes great and ki d and honest to me he swears I am the only one but never ever initiates sex. See what your husband says. I am so confused. Im going to offer another perspective here, which I hope is valuable seeing as Im the only man who has commented. Suggesting hormone replacement therapy anything at this point would be awesome. Now I realise that I get more attention from men now that I look different. For more support with reigniting the passion and attraction in your relationship, sign up for the Intimacy Workshop for Couples. Says Im chub chub that I just need to work out, Im loosing the weight but slowly and I work out 4-5 times a week and eat healthy. this is all new, and Im wondering what Ive done wrong. We both used to be very into fitness but not much now. we had twins 2 years ago and im struggling to lose the last 25 or so pounds. When you first meet someone, they may already be dating other people or might be shopping around. He knew full well that Im Australian when we were dating. Was and still am so smitten with this beautiful man. Men are very visual and respond in strong ways to what they see. He just keeps you around for convenience and because he likes to have someone around to mistreat. Some of us are bigger, skinnier, tallershorter or heavier. I told him no thank you because I didnt want to be involved with someone who still spends time on their ex and confuses her children with visits when the relationship with the mother is over. A connection is created and maintained through communication. How often should I go to marriage counseling? Im attractive, not fat, keep myself in shape and have tried to do all the right things. NY Times came out with an article citing research that shows most married couples gain 15-30+ lbs once they are married. I here my brother in law tell my sister shes beautiful and I think does she know how fortunate she is to hear that. But I know it was a lie. And he was even flirting with a scentsy rep on social media and when I try to add her to order shot he ignores my requests but will comment on photos of my baby on Facebook as if she knows my baby or boyfriend personally and Im sorry but I wont have some girl try to be my babies new mom. Ive heard about so many other women who have experienced this. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. The question is: can you put your judgement aside, keep an open mind and be selfless enough to focus on your partner to truly find out what they desire and try to make it happen? Im curious. Since I found out I was pregnant (3years ago), my husband has stopped all romance, sexual advances and touching me. I was asked every week if I was masturbating or looking at porn, confronted publicly about it most times. 5 months went well, I was ill and got rush to the hospital. The lust & chase. Recently we had a huge fight and I had him arrested and retained an attorney, to file for divorce. I dont even know anymore. I dont know if its a lie. Im sorry to hear that. Sometimes he would mention me to people at his job, but I only met a few of them. He is not the same man, to when we started dating! Americans are getting married later in life; the top reason they give is finally finding their soulmate. Obviously, men as a whole are sexually focused (this doesnt describe every man, but it does the majority for sure). While some people can view it and be fine, many cannot use porn in a healthy way. My husband is always talking about how hit other women are infront of me. Jump to todayIve been with my current boyfriend 3.5 years. Its emotionally destructive and women are the victims. Were like the best friends in the world minus the intimacy, and sexual chemistry. We have both put on weight over the years, gravity it taking hold, some stretch marks are involved. If you try to resolve your looks, you may chip at part of the issue. When I do he gets defensive and angry and says he hasnt ever done anything wrong and that Im just selfish and ungrateful for all hes done for me. I quite like its natural colour. I never knew how much I would miss being schmoozed. Then its like work giving him an erection, he doesnt look at me naked, its so different then anything Im used to. But dont be fooled by the mate who claims to want more sexual intimacy. Just wondering, maybe your wife has some physical issues going on that you or even her know nothing about? He used to flirt with me daily. I blew up on him and he apologized. Crappy place to be in and truly hurting. She made me less starchy and relaxed which I love her for. I promise I wont touch you.. That means, if the sex is off but most things are good its still likely its not just the sex, but rather the sex is a manifestation of an offness that is outside of sex. He rejects my sexual advances all of the time, we fight all of the time when I tell him how I feel he says all I do is complain & nag and how can he want to have sex when with me when I dont leave him alone. We lose muscle mass as we age also. Ive been where you are, and Ive learned that standing up for myself, being strong and setting firm boundaries are the only way to gain respect from a man. Does this kind of marriage last? We are juli ing just like roommates. I confronted him with what I found and he confessed and answered all my questions and seemed very regretful, he explained to me the reason he did what he did was because in my past before I met him I was an exotic dancer and he couldnt live with the fact of knowing that as a man. I dont like fat people sometimes he looks at me and I think hes disgusted. Listen to it. I didnt sign up for that. He got HIS foreplay from me, and then we had sex without him touching or looking at me. Dont know what to do anymore! I prefer my hair when its straight as well because its much easier to manage but I work full-time sometimes 10 hour days so I dont often have the time to do it. 33 years of marriage is a long time. The wife above would be wise to work on her weight, but thats not all thats needed to change her husbands attraction to her. He has always since he was 23 had erection problems and all the doctors he saw could never help him out. We have not had sex in over a year and I wanted to take it slowly but I got carried away and yesterday it happened..Except he never really got hard. We set up guidelines on our computers that I know he follows, so porn is no longer in the house, but he tells me he has no interest in any sex at all or even viewing it. Now i get out the shower and he doesnt look at me. See how he feels. Gwen, I understand where you are coming from but think you are viewing the problem from a perspective of someone who refuses to bend/yield to any suggestion that you arent the embodiment of the perfect woman. Do you offer evening counseling appointments? Even though I did have him stay in a separate bedroom and tried setting clear boundaries. I have opened up about my feelings many times in hope that maybe we can work on these things but I feel unheard as he usually cuts me off or turns things around or he just picks up his cellphone while Im talking. Im very fit and sexy. Ive tried wearing sexy things going out of my comfort zone and still nothing. Please do yourself a favor and stop blaming you and quit trying to fix yourself for someone who isnt worth losing yourself over. If you would like to speak further, youre welcome to schedule a complimentary couples consultation session. It is the effects of pornography and the unrealistic bar the porn industry is setting. It was like he was holding on to the relationship & seeking better. I would put on nice clothes none of it mattered I am super clean about myself so it wasnt anything thing like thatOf course this did nothing good for our marriage. We are naughtier than you think. Im starting to value our connection as friends and intimate partners( no sex though) enough to just live through it. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to thema clearly misguided belief. He claims he found the motel key, I have informed him that I can find a motel key too and no I wont be sitting alone on my birthday next weekend. I really think you should go to your own therapist if possible. Do other women have a husband not attracted to their wife? I was so miserable and sad with him knowing and feeling unwanted that it was just destroying my.persona and that was not healthy. He fits so perfectly with my life. Ending an affair can be harder than starting one. I mean Ive gained 40 lbs over the last 5 years but Im not fat. Your task is to figure out if everything that does perhaps work well in this marriage balances out the problem with intimacy. You sound like a wonderful person. However, I was agitated when it started that toys and porn solo will become a habit. No husband realistically expects his spouse to be a perpetual 18 year old, size zero nymphomaniac capable of being contorted into pretzel shapes, subsisting on high protein diet provided by his manhood and being willing to endure every advance of his choosing. My biggest thing is that I really dont feel like my husband finds me attractive, and I dont know what happened as before we got married (literally less than 2 months ago) he was completely different. Wow how about have empathy for your man he could be going through a lot of stress with new job supporting his family and you want to what walk away, deadgirlalive1969! He asked me to move in, the only furniture he had was a bed because he was barely ever home always out gambling and partying. Unfortunately, too many people mistakenly judge the strength of their relationship based on the sex frequency, interest and satisfaction. Do you believe your husbands not attracted to you? Its a common stereotype that after sex, men distance and roll over like beached whales. Very undesirable. No over night thing , no arguments, no fights, my husband just stopped having sex with me. What are men attracted to? I have the same problem. Im not exactly sure if this is something that happens to men sometimes or not, maybe it is especially if they havent had sex in a while. destroyed. Touch is good for your relationship. I asked him but he wouldnt tell me. In a clinical setting, it is usually one partner who lacks physical desire while the other appears bewildered. Then listen. Since finding out he has been more touchy then he has in the past but is it temporary is it even real? (Honestly, weight is in my genes so I was never able to eat like a normal person and maintain.) How can we make a kiddo if he doesnt ejaculate? On my online marriage counseling pages I offer different programs, and before you ever invest or pay anything you can set up a free marriage consultation session so you can talk, try it out, and see if it would help with zero risk to you and your partner. Life is too short. I am 100% crazy attracted to my husband. You also deserve to have him be all in with you. That being said, her husband has stuck around, loved her, and been faithful/loyal and deeply caring towards her. L Happy to offer some input. That can cause "un-attraction.". Shes tried to eat better, be more weight aware, but the reality is there really has been no change. You could have lots of intimacy and love and fun. Role play is me telling her that I wish she was someone else. Everything back to normal now.. we have reguler sex once in a week or once in two weeks. He is using and abusing you! If it still feels like hes not attracted to you, maybe its time to consider counseling. I know Im in decent shape. In 2018 i really wanted to get a divorce, but he promised if we stay together everything would be back to normal which isnt now. Btw, I am a modest 34B. Different positions are degrading. There is nothing I can do to help it. She works at home 3 days a week and is here every weekend. Thats why you see them in the movies. Does your men's counseling services offer a payment plan? Does it seem like, my husband prefers his hand over me?. . That avoidance only works to hurt things moreI am sorry your partner isnt open to talking to someone. He has never taken me anywhere romantic or done anything romantic. In fact, according to some informal research, 85% of married men jerk off. Well there is one thing (if I could become a totally. I am 57 weigh 118lbs. He has given me a gift, to want, see and expect more from my next lover/partner/friend. Related Article: How To Make Your Husband Desire You More. After all these years I didnt leave him, and Im sure he would have missed me as a friend or sister but not as a married partner. 24 Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me 1. For better or for worse, sickness and health, but he is not attracted to my 50lbs heavier body. My husband also makes it no secret that hes not attracted to larger women. Have you considered asking your partner to do couples coaching with you? Most tend to be in their 40s and 50s, as that tends to be an age when couples are more open to counseling (and have the resources). You have bigger problems than what you imagine. My love for him felt stronger every year that passed. It is traumatizing when he comes into the bathroom, I am showering and he will not look at my body. Can it work for him to get aroused by me? I know this is taking a toll on your relationship. Its interesting that wifes can tell husbands whats wrong, or go shave or you put on weight but when the coin is flipped we get rebuked for being selfish and mean and you wonder whats wrong. After that, theyre fully engaged and into each other. And date night is maybe twice a year? He wakes up in the mornings around 03:30, showers Leaves for work, he used to get home around 17:00, now for the past 2 weeks he has been getting home around 19:00. If those things arent really a fit for you, itll be hard for that to fully work. I know all of this is quite tough, and even very beautiful, loyal, wonderful men and women suffer like this in their relationship. If his self esteem is low and he cant give me anymore than what he does. We have a home gym, with around 1500 worth of equipment. I snooped on his phone and found that he looks up hot girls on social media, sometimes friends of his or mutual friends of ours. Here are some of the consequences you may eventually face: 1. I really appreciate you reading this and letting me vent somewhere safe. Lol. hbspt.cta._relativeUrls=true;hbspt.cta.load(31983, 'fea28f2c-44d0-4a1e-b63a-5e4dc4d71407', {"useNewLoader":"true","region":"na1"}); Guy Stuff's Counseling Men Blog shares real stories from our counseling sessions, giving practical solutions and answers to the challenges men and women face. These questions aren't easy. Increased and consistent porn use in heterosexual men will cause the following to occur: 1. I waited until I was 39 to marry because of all the bullshit and yet I still get hurt. While these factors are important to a viable relationship, so is a passionate, physical attraction. Im sorry but thats BS. Menopause has been a real downer for me. Its always important to consider your appearance. And just wanted to smash the remote. Just let them find a 25 year old and make a new life with her. And the sex is 10 minutes long (if he can get it up)with no real foreplay and we both get off then its business as usual. Although she constantly accuses me of doing all the above. The initiator of an affair might be the mate who claims to have an attraction but feels deprived by the other. I know that my life could be worse, that other have it much worse than I do & I very much appreciate all I have, especially my baby because he is worth all the pain and words can not describe how much I love my baby but I dont just want my life to be an empty vessel mindless fulfilling babies needs I have needs that need to be fulfilled too and wants and if I didnt want my boyfriend then I wouldnt be with him. Hi. Im broken and defeated with no one whom I can share the reasons why. My husband would rather masturbate into an old sock. Youre welcome to schedule a complimentary session with me to see if I might be of assistance. I think he's addicted to porn and may have cheated (with girls half my age). Given the science on arousal, it could be a variety of things going on with your husband. Its fucking disgusting! He insisted from the very beginning he never loved this girl. It is steel astonishing and surprising to me how many mental health professionals are recommending porn as a cure for anything. If your husbands not doing any of the above (or even the opposite of them) then thats a sign hes not attracted to you. We dont hurt the self-esteem of men then why do they do it. Act like youre attracted and interested in her? Its like Im undesirable because Im not a vuluptuous woman. He came clean a couple of years ago about having a decades-long porn addiction. I grew up in repressed religious home of pastors always telling me to control my lust issues. But for many, sooner or later the void craves filling and trouble ensues. Ive thought about asking to open the relationship for me but I dont want to have sex with anyone else, just him. Now turn this around for a moment. I dont want to take her on dates, give gifts, or even touch her. I see possibilities again . The only solution is to begin communicating. I told you that one thing piggy backs off another but you refused to hear me.. now we dont talk and havent had sex in 6 months.. in our last fight you finally admitted that you used sex against me. I organise and booked a table for somewhere last week but he wasnt hungry and didnt want to go. who live out of state. For example, a woman will complain about the intimacy but then add that their partner doesnt help around the house that much, or doesnt take time to listen to her feelings, or doesnt do things to make her feel attractive and wanted and those issues, believe it or not, are bigger than the sex stuff. Over the last year or so he really tried to make things better so I give him credit for that. Im so very sorry for you and your heart. I have been to the point of wanting to commit suicide in the past because of the hurt. I never dreamed I would be so lonely. In my clinical experience, once the underlying reason for the nitpicking surfaces, a couple may find themselves forced to deal with their attraction issuea more authentic, yet dangerous place to be. When I bring it up he just gets mad and storms out without talking about it. But for the last 25 years he no longer wants me. I know he loves me. Your partners response says a few things: Im becoming very unhappy in our relationship. I asked him if something like this doesnt puts a men off from feeling attracted to a women. My insta is pixel.grl Many men who speak with me tell me they feel the same. I know it will take time to get our connection back, but not sure how to overcome the feelings that it wont happen soon enough for him. I dont know if hes had more experience dating French women or Australian women before he met me so maybe Im not what he was used to before? Ive treated couples that havent been sexually intimate in 10-15 years. Hed walk through the door and never notice what I got done, only what I hadnt. I dont even remember the last time my husband and I shared a real kiss. You can start a dialogue with your partner with a simple statement like: Hey, Ive noticed that lately, when I come towards you sexually, you turn me down (or find an excuse for why it cant happen). Poor Sex Life. I slept on it and have been thinking over the article and the comments everyone has wrote. This Is What It Really Means When Your Man Looks At Another Woman (From They want their wives to get more physically active but struggle to have that conversation with their wife. He has been on the phone alot lately. In a healthy relationship, both partners want to spend time together. Those men never loved you. I feel he is not respecting me at all. I have had four kids. One day you will wake up and know exactly what to do. Great input! That is why I maintain my own sexualness by myself. Funny I put something up here for help and it was taken down thanks for the help and support. like, if he can now perform in bed with me should I just be happy and forget about the rest? Roll back when she was younger, she had 100s of boyfriends starting at an early age. Best to you. Sometimes its good for your husband to go out on his own. But now, I dont care anymore as long as he gave me the sex.. but he just turns me down a lot of time.. and i was confuse and sad.. maybe hes just not really attracted to me anymore. There is nothing better than a good smelling man so keep that in mind. Dont jump the gun and make it mean what it doesnt. Now she is on a spiritual journey away from me to be her own woman. We barely even have sex and he blames it on work. Do you think there is still a chance for us or is it better to let go..? It sounds like its really getting to you to do all these things thoughthat is a recipe for disaster. Every vacation was what she wanted, holidays the same., no matter what it was it was her way. In short, if there are few signs that your husband isn't attracted to you, it's best not to jump to conclusions. She could be depressed. Reviewed by Lybi Ma, There are many reasons why people enter into committed, long-term relationships or marriages that have little to do with physical attraction. Its always about looks only. However, his porn watching is a bigger factor. Why???? Its good to hear you are open to trying new things and lack of stimulation and excitement can lead couples to disconnect, but that in no way makes this a YOU problem or issue you must deal with alone. Do something scandalous. Im willing to loose weight or whatever I need to, but I just feel overwhelmed about it. Can I ask is this normal??? He doesnt get hard when we kiss and stops me after a little while when I give him oral. He watches porn constant and Ive accused the craziest accusations but after treating me like im insane and running off slamming doors and busting things of mine he was caught doing these insane things. He has always been very controlling and has been verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Have you taken time to talk to him about how youre feeling and check in with him so as to help create a deeper dialogue. He refused sex, preferred porn, chatting with women online, emotional affairs with coworkers, an ex-girlfriend, and he even implied (to married male friends of his) that he had possibly visited hookers. Ive known her for 20 years and always thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world and had a great personality. He was having an affair with a subordinate, 13 yrs younger than me and left us to marry her. This is why I typically suggest couples start talking to someone, so much of intimacy is emotional, even for men. I have no fucking clue and Im just feeling really self conscious and this has been a cycle of me feeling great and trying, feeling rejected, wondering whats wrong, talking to him, him doing the fake try thing for a week before it lulls back into a sexless, rabbit hole of zero intimacy I have wondered about sexual orientation, because seriously we get along sooooo well and about everything else are totally open. She has pretty much NO activity to speak of. Now he expects me to forget about it. Good luck in your future and I hope things work out for the best. Lasting Love Connection offers top-ranked couples counseling services. Your husband and you are married and suddenly like almost all people things cool down in the bedroom a bit, and instead of working toward keeping that flame alive by actively communicating and being honest and open with each-other, you the woman decide to secretly go out and seek what you are missing in the relationship; affirmation, attention, whatever it is. Im a 45 y/o woman who wants sex at least once a week and my spouse is a 52y/o man who only wants sex about every 2 months. You are worth more then he thinks and you are beautiful women! Luis, your concern is very kind. Your sense of reality, your paradigms even shift ever so slightly day by day Your reality is getting distorted! Required fields are marked *. All of it played a part in my decision to go forward. Ive heard hundreds and hundreds of variations that make the same point. At first everything seems right and fun and serious, until one day after a year, i feel like he didnt look at me and initiate sex, then i found out that he had a sexchat with some random girls. He doesnt kiss, hug or even hold me intimately anymore. He makes me feel so insignificant. Im tired of being alone every night. It was a rough year for him, financial stress, family stress. The reason I feel so bitter and sad about this situation is that she has absolutely no excuse having a gym 5 meters away 5 days a week. This is exactly how I feel but its only been two months and he wont have sex with me at all. Not only does it communicate affection, but touch also improves your health. Im so sorry you are going through that. We have sex maybe every 2 months and only when he is really drunk. All that sounds quite painful. Hi Samantha- this must be very difficult for you and I really sympathise with your situation. Learn to do a lap dance. As well, my stomach muscles have completely separated from each other and have about a 6 inch gap between them now.. which all the surgeons Ive seen are too scared to try and fix.. Ive seen 4 so far.So I know I went from having a perfect, flat stomach, to now looking 8 months pregnant all the time. The victorian era sexual attitudes that you yearn for are simply repression. I strongly believe in personality having a huge factor, but, lets face it..If I was 100% attracted to personality, I would find my best mate attractive wouldnt I. 2. Research suggests that men cheat primarily . Thank you for your comment. Over 100 lbs. Ive raised this with him and he just brushes it off. I wouldnt mind him watching porn if we were also having sex, but we arent. Karen thank you for sharing this story with the community here. To answer your question though, yes, there are many unhappily married couples who stay together. I have been married for only 4 years and experiencing the same. Im a 56 year old woman, married for over 38 years. But he looked at women who also displayed horrible personality traits or qualities. 10 Things Men Secretly Love about Their Wives - Crosswalk I am good enough and I deserve love. Im afraid that his bad habits are getting the best of him and it seems as though all he cares about when he gets home from work is having a drink, eating, and rolling more cigarettes to smoke for the next day. I just want someone to desire me and it hurts when he cant get it up. I decided that I needed to take charge of my own happiness with or without him. My spouse suddenly has absolutely no libido now and says hes working on it with his doctor but I dont foresee anything positive coming of it. Everything is ok and good until its time for intercourse then he immediately looses his erection so why is he not interested in me at that time??? Im fine doing it several times a week if not more. I feel so embarrassed, weak and rejected right now. Most Wives Don't Think Their Husbands Are Sexy, According to Science

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